kenrey2k's Xanga

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 01:23:33 GMT

since most of you are incapable of getting to this xanga for varying reasons - i have created a new one that shouldnt take long to load. It's still under construction, but i already started posting since i don't really ahve time to work on it like i did with this one

enjoy

www.xanga.com/breakenout

Friday, July 30, 2004

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 03:47:10 GMT

Well its 12:46 in the morning and I have nothing to do; in other words I’m bored. Haven’t really been updating this thing, so since I’m not doing anything, I’ll update it.

So what have I been up to lately? Nothing really, just the same old thing (BLD, depressed, etc) you should know me by now; if not IM me asap and get to know me.

How has life been? Pretty shitty lately, but hey who cares about me; everyone seems to be preoccupied with helping someone else. I might be going to college in the PI, don’t really want to, but if I don’t have any reason to stay I’ll leave. Family has been falling apart lately, trying my best to keep it together but, there’s only so much that I can do. I don’t know what to do anymore; I’m so tired. Part of me wants to keep going, but the other half wants me to just give up – I’m torn between 2 extremes. I’m even more torn up inside. As if family wasn’t enough to bring me down; I have hundreds of unanswered questions swirling in my head: where do I belong, who are my friends, do I even belong here, do I have a purpose, why are you living, why am I alone….the questions go on and on – and they just leave me confused.

I’m not a strong person, as much as you may think not, I really am weak. I’m so weak….it’s pathetic. Only 2 things keep me alive; my family and my friends, and right now both seem to be on a downward spiral. I cry every night…did you know that? I cry myself to sleep almost every night. What am I crying for? Well I’m crying for you. I’m crying that God may keep you safe and protect you always, I’m crying because I’m begging God to give me strength just for another day. I cry because of the burden I carry, and my inability to share it with others because I don’t know who I can truly trust.

My heart feels so heavy – it feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve done a lot of stupid things; but I guess the worst is asking for pity from people. I’ve sunk so low. I should never have opened my heart again; in the end I was only hurt again, and now I can’t even close my heart off again, because I don’t have the strength to.

Loss seems to be the key word in my life; I’ve lost my best friend who moved to Maine, and now I don’t even talk to him much, I’ve lost my grandparents before I even had a chance to get to know them, I’ve lost direction in life, I lost friendships (friendships that I thought were truly strong).

I can’t do it anymore; I’m just so tired…I want to give up already. Nothing is real, nothing but lies, nothing but pain, I have nothing left. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around. I’m too tired to continue, and each day I grow wearier

………….am I worth anything anymore?.......................

Friday, July 02, 2004

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 00:56:54 GMT

hey everyone,

hope ur all having a great summer...mine has been good so far, could be better, but hey we're all busy and some things just CANT happen. Anyway, not much going on since I got back, except now i'm working. BUT, i'm not being paid; instead the money is going towards a car after i graduate...gotta earn what i want...heh.

Happy bday to miss MICA TOLENTINO today on her 17th bday! She's a super cool person and if i were you, i would go wish her happy bday if you haven't done so already.

BTW as of now...i am no longer writing my dedication entry - well at least not here...sorry but some people just dont wanna see that kind of stuff i guess. It's still going online later - but i'm not saying where publicly. If you would like to read it when i finally finish it, please just IM me, call, etc to find out where to read it

Safe and Happy Summer to all of you....

Yours Truly,
KeN

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 03:20:24 GMT

greetings from CA

Sorry i haven't been updating lately; i've been busy lately and i'm contemplating on my next entry. the next entry will be dedicated to my cousin here in CA. I apologize if it is a tear jerker in advance

See you all soon, and hope everyone is having a great summer

KeN

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:44:42 GMT

hello kiddos ! my name is... dun dun dun. you wont knoe until you reach the bottom. just kidding. im prolly gonna forget to tell you my name at the bottom.. so my name is tina ! so ken is in california. i`ll be there in august. maybe we`ll see eachother? i doubt it because LA is far from san francisco. so today ken is going to go on an adventure to six flags magic mountain. i wonder if thats any better than six flags great adventure. oh yeah ! if you read this and suddenly feel the need to text ken because you wanna join in on the fun. DO NOT. i repeat DO NOT send kenneth reyes any more text messages ! but you can call him !

well i dont really update my xanga. soo i figure i should help ken keep up his. kens password ... is .... hah. im not gonna tell you ! im not gonna tell you and let you hack in and mess up all these confusing htmls ! i`ll tell you after he`s made a back up file. because he tells me that he`ll let me mess up this xanga after that back up file is made. perhaps i should make a back up file of what i want to do to his xanga. mwahahhaha. im gonna put a picture of barney as his background. because barneys hot and he`ll be anyones friend. even mine ! hah i have no friends except barney. but thats okay !

well now i think im scaring everyone who doesnt knoe me. but umm.. sorry. i`ll start writing about more normal and less random stuff.

Brea KEN ouT 2k4 (1:09:17 PM): aright i gtg...im going to six flags magic mountain

do you see that? that is not fair. now i am jealous and angered ! grrrr.. so good bye now !

----» kris tina avisado

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 21:06:22 GMT

Hello avid Ken`s xanga readers !! guess who ! [ N0T KEN !! ] oHh yes, `tis me, marla updating the update-less Ken`s xanga. i`m home, sick from school but that s`okay becuz there is only 3 more days left ! yesSss. grRrr. Ken... he got out of school like a week or so ago. maNn just let it be over already !! i don`t know what has gotten into him to make him trust me with his passwOrd, but that`s cool `cuz i won`t mess anything up on his xangeRr.. . purposely. eh heH heh. `;p

anyhOo... Ken`s toOo lazy to make an entry becuz he`s busy galavanting off in sunny CALiF0RNiA. grRrr. lucky dogg. and when he`s not off galavanting, he is sittin pretty in the central aircon of his relatives´ house. right now, the weather is crappy there, or so he says, and he might go see a movie later. he went to one grad party already and he`s a rose for his cuzin`s upcoming grad party this saturday. g`luck budddie.

i hope Ken is taking oOdles of pictures. [ we all know that he proabably is. =) ] Ken had better post the pictures in his webshots too.

well... i think i`ve over-stayed my welcOme here updating for silly update-less Ken. so Mr. KenRey, here you go. this was my entry for Y0U ! `=) hope you enjoyed.

oh, and i hope all you readers leave a comment for Ken because he deserves every last one and they will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. you know, like that `i have to pee´ kinda feeling.

the end.

post script - isn`t the song on this site so perdy. take a few moments to reflect... ^_^ ... ah, didn`t that feel good ?

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 13:05:59 GMT

So what is a good xanga entry composed of? I’ve browsed probably close to 300 xanga sites, and usually the entries that receive props/comments, are usually one liner’s, and the ones that have a life lesson, or something special in them, have close to none. Aren’t eprop’s supposed to be given to entries that deserve them?

Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately; yes thinking is bad – at least when you use it when referring to me, because I think WAY too much. So I was thinking about the whole girlfriend issue, and the whole issue of who will be there when I’m down on the ground, and I’ve come to some conclusions:

It’s in God’s time, not mine. As much as I hate being one of the few people without a girlfriend, I still have a lot of pretty girls who are my friends….hahaha. No, but really, it’s not my decision to make – it’s His. Besides, as much as I hate to say it, I believe I am too immature [one of you will probably smack me for saying that], and I guess emotionally, God doesn’t believe I’m ready for one yet. I guess I can understand because I am quite an emotional person, with a very sensitive side. It’s not that hard to break me in two, when it comes to matters concerning the heart. Likewise, I’ve been through a lot, and I think if my heart were to be broken, I might try and kill myself. Those who know me well know how many suicidal thoughts I have.
Friends – they’re quite special, but I know some I will have to let go of. Maybe I’ve just been fooling myself lately; believing that ALL of you will still be my friends 20 years from now. Some of you are just mutual acquaintances and I’ve just been fooling myself, believing that you are a really close friend. Some will stay, but most will leave, but what matters is that we all remember each other. This is one of the many downsides of life – eventually we will all have to say our goodbyes.
As much as I don’t want to lose touch with ALL of you – I know eventually we will all go our separate ways. But I DO know that, even though we may be separated, our hearts are forever connected, because friends are friends forever. When we go our separate ways, all I have to say is that, “it’s been fun, maybe our paths will cross again some day”, because it is never goodbye. It was no coincidence that we were all brought together as one family in BLD. It was in His time, in His plan, and maybe one day we will all meet at the crossroads, and we’ll all become a family again years from now. A family is never perfect, and it is almost never always a whole, but what matters is that we are always there for each other.

To ALL my friends,

I love all of you, I really do and whether or not that love is returned doesn’t matter to me. Always know that I am always here for all of you; whether it be just to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, or a hand to help you back up, I will ALWAYS be here for all of you. For what it’s worth, I have so much respect for each of you, and I ask that you forgive me for anything I’ve done to you at anytime. I know at times I’ve been stubborn, annoying, and even at times just outright rude, but I’m only human. You have all taught me a lesson these past few years – to be patient, to stand up, to be me; and it means the world to me. This road I never walk alone; and believe it or not, you will never walk your road through life alone.

I hope as my final year in HS approaches, we can all grow closer. Lately I haven’t been the best friend, and I’m sorry for that. I know I can be cold hearted, closing myself from everyone, and I know some of you worry about me when I choose to hold this burden on my own. I am still a mere child, learning how to trust again, still holding onto my Father’s hand. Slowly, this heart of mine will heal from the pains of the past; I just need time. Forgive me for not letting you help me; I know I can be quite stubborn.

To those who don’t know me that well yet, or are just acquaintances at the moment, I really hope that we can start some kind of friendship, because it’s always good to have more friends…hehe.

Your friend,

Kenneth Vergel De Dios Reyes

Friday, June 04, 2004

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 20:44:54 GMT

Its funny how faith works…when you’re down on the ground…tired of everything…just given up…God picks you up. So yeah I’ve had a pretty bad week, especially yesterday with my parents giving me hell; for stupid reasons. So at this point you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this…so I guess I’ll share my little experience.

So today, studied pretty much all day for SAT’s tom…yes those evil tests that are used to test out reasoning skills; and at the end leave us looking like a bunch of zombies because most of us are brain dead. Anyway, I decided to take a break; felt like crap because of my parents, and how I feel on my social status – not that it should matter….so yeah, decided to go read a couple of my testimonials on friendster (yes it STILL exists ::gasp::..hehe) and I also randomly played a song from my playlist…and wow, to my surprise the song and testimonial matched. If you haven’t figured it out…it’s the song playing in the BG right now. So yeah, that little moment brought a smile to my face – helped me realize that, even though I’m not very popular, and even though I may sometimes get pushed around, and my friendship taken for granted (and no one better leave a comment on that line, cause I will track you down and kick your ass, and then finally erase that comment), I’m still needed by some people. It's good to know i'm still like a kuya to some ppl `=). Some people care about me, and those are the people that should matter in my life. Nothing else should matter, when you have friends that worry and care about you. So, thank you...to those who have become a part of my life, and to those who remain part of my life. To those who will one day drift away, i wish you luck, and I hope one day our paths will one day cross again.

"Some will stay, many will leave, tears will be shed, and your world will crumble, but in the end you will still be standing, and it is then will you know who your family is, and who will stand by you when you fall."

- KeN

So yeah, I found myself tearing, cause the song itself hit me, and how I feel, and it’s funny because the night before I was praying for like 45min. I was pretty much a mess (yes guys cry too….or maybe it’s just me, but hey I got a sensitive side `=P). So I had a long talk with the big guy upstairs; questioned him about a lot of things. I guess in a way, I was on the verge of complete depression, just hanging in between sanity and just losing it. For what it’s worth, please forgive me everyone for being a jerk…you may think I haven’t been, but I know I haven’t been myself lately.

Well that’s it for now I guess…if it hasn’t finished yet, or if you’ve been concentrating on the entry, listen to the song first before you leave `=)

Bye Bye

-KeN

P.S. I included the lyrics below

Calling Down an Angel – Plus One

You're afraid, it's all come down,
To this place where dreams have fallen to the ground.
Just look up, you'll make it through,
Cause there's a heavenly Being,
That's watching over you.

*Chorus*

Calling down an angel who,
Will help you believe,
Sending out a prayer,
Down on my knees,
Reaching up to heaven knowing,
You will someday see,
There's hope beyond the struggle,
Just hold on,
I'm calling down an angel.

It's not too late,
It's almost over,
If you'll just wait you'll feel it lifting off your shoulder.
So keep believing,
The sun always promises a new day.
It'll stop the rain,
Break the chains,
And chase the pain away.

*Chorus*
 
You've been trying to be so strong,
You've been waiting for so long,
Will your miracle ever come?
Heaven's holding every single tear you cry,
And if you start to feel alone just know that I am…

*Chorus*

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Wed, 26 May 2004 10:32:02 GMT

So it's 7:21 in the morning, and for once in a long time i'm blogging for absolutely no reason. Life is good i guess...summer is quickly approaching. So much to do, but so little time...don't you agree? 3 months of summer never seems to be enough anymore. I remember "back in the day" when summer felt REALLY REALLY LONG...now it feels like its gone in a month. So below is a run down of some things i hope to get done, or plan to be doing this summer:

June
1. Fly to California to visit cuzins and get away from the stresses of East Coast
2. California for ateh Theresa's 18th bday/HS graduation on the 19th
3. California for ading Amy's grade school graduation on the 11th
4. Rhia's Swt 16 on the 23rd
5. Phantom of the Opera
6. Youth/singles praise jam [FINALLY!]

July
1. Get into shape for senior year
2. Start lifting weights
3. Phantom of the Opera
4. Start working at mom's office
5. Clean house
6. Tennis every morning
7. YE11 [dang i feel old...i was YE8...haha]
8. a whole bunch of things which i currently forgot...haha

August
1. Everything is up in the air
2. ME15 Cruise? [not sure yet]
3. Community Day

aw shiet its 7:30...i'll just update this agen later...have a good day everyone...and g'morning...hehe

Last 5 days of school...thats wassup
- 2!! days of classes
- 3 days of exams

KeN

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Sun, 23 May 2004 15:25:49 GMT

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy [AHAHA]. Patriotic. Active in
games and interactions. Impatient and hasty[I am?]. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves
attention [Only when i deserve it...hehe]. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered [Am I?]. Changing personality[haha...how true]. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself [What pride do I have left?]. Hates restrictions [Yes i am the rebel...pwsh not]. Loves to joke [Yes, but i can't seem to make other people laugh...cept for a certain few]. Good sense of humor. Logical

What does your birth month say about you?
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I’ve lied awake in my tears

And persevered through my fears.

But after all these years,

I have not learned to let go.

I have walked this long and lonely road

Trying to find a home I’ll never know.

I keep on trudging through life,

Enduring this bitter strife –

But I live on; cause there is always tomorrow.

People have come

People have gone

Some of them stay

Some of them don’t

One thing is certain

My heart will go on.

How innocence has passed,

And replaced by insanity…

This is where I am now,

Living in what’s left of my humanity..

Sometimes I wonder “am I going insane?”

I continue to linger in my shame

As the world passes me by

Tears still run from my eyes.

Each night I wonder

“I wonder what heaven is like?”

“I wonder if lola is waiting?”

I remember when she used to kiss me goodnight

Our paths have crossed

Our futures lie ahead

Only one thing remains certain

God will lead us by the hand.